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Food Test

April 14, 2010

“Large King Prawns” said the label on a small plastic bucket filled with average to wimpy sized shrimp.

“Would we call these large?”  Sigh.

What I really wanted were some big fat juicy cold shrimp to dip in some cocktail sauce so I could have a semi-healthy, yet fully tasty snack. Turns out there is no such thing as cocktail sauce at Sainsbury’s, so I had to get “Seafood Sauce.” Seeing as how this doesn’t have a real name, I went ahead and classed it in the category of other questionable food items that the English don’t feel deserve a real name, like brown sauce. My manager at work eats a bacon sandwich with brown sauce every day and he says it’s “good.” I’m not sure if that’s the exact adjective he used to describe it, but it was definitely something positive with a quite a bit of enthusiasm. (Ok, he – let’s call him Rob – has just read this and said “Yeah, I think I said something a bit stronger than ‘good'” Then I said, “What did you say? I can’t remember!” Then he said “Probably something like ‘F&*^ing Great!'” So there you have it. Brown Sauce. F%$*ing Great. )

But I had to get it anyway, because what else was I going to dip my shrimp in? I can’t eat plain cold shrimp. Adrian doesn’t eat shrimp because he says it feels like you are eating “little penises,” and he also says he doesn’t eat crustaceans because they give him delirious dreams. My mom says: “How would Adrian know what little penises taste like?”

Basically this sent me down the path of trying to create my own cocktail sauce. My mom said it’s just ketchup mixed with some horseradish. I should probably wait until after I have created this mix to write about it, but I’m not sure when it will happen. I’m in a true dilemma, not a simple conundrum. I’ve already bought the Seafood Sauce, and I don’t plan to go to Sainsbury’s until Sunday. If I wait until Sunday, my shrimp will go bad. If I eat the shrimp now, I’ll have to choke down the Seafood Sauce.

I guess I might be being unfair, so I think I’m going to test the Seafood Sauce.  I’ve also been considering testing out the 4 pence Tesco Value curry sauce. It can’t kill me. Although, when I ate Tesco Value chicken kievs for 80 p for a pack of two, my stomach sounded like it was using little wrenches to pry apart the “chicken” molecules. I’m still alive though! The human body is really strong.

I’ll update when I try the sauce and the 4 p curry sauce! I’ll probably have Adrian take a picture of my face after the curry sauce goes in my mouth.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. cliffspab permalink
    April 14, 2010 3:15 pm

    Damn right it’s fucking great! I’d maybe even add a mother for emphasis.

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